20 – Wander or Wonder

I have only just this minute realised that it is exactly 7 months ago today that I first went to the doctor at the start of a journey that has taken me through the deepest valleys and the steepest mountains of my life. During these months, I have been told I am close to death and yet still rejoiced in the pleasure of being alive. I have tried to think differently, treasuring each moment of every day. I have wept in despair and I have cried in overwhelming joy. Because I have learned how abruptly life can change and end, I have learned what a pleasure life is and what a pleasure it can be.

There have been moments in these months which have prompted me to write articles in this blog and it has been wonderful to hear people talk about what I say. To know that I have helped others has been so rewarding and this has helped me on my journey.

If you have been following this blog, you will know that at our first meeting the oncologist told me that without chemotherapy I would only have two or three months to live. Then she told me that I wasn’t well enough for chemo, which meant that I had only two or three months to live! The next week, the situation had changed – I would receive chemo after all. The treatment started the week after that. I have now had eight sessions of chemo and the improvement to my condition and the way I feel has been dramatic! At the start of the treatment, I could only walk a few yards and just standing still was very painful. Now, I can walk quite a lot and I have been going back to the gym. Unfortunately for Libby, I am still not well enough to wash the dishes, but I can cope with that!

Most of the pain that I used to have is gone. I am stronger. I feel well. I feel that I can get through this. So, after 8 sessions of chemo. life is almost back to normal.

And that is the problem. Life is getting back to normal. I haven’t written a blog for a couple of weeks because everything is getting back to normal. I still have the up and down moments, but it is too easy to slip back into the old ways, taking each day as it comes instead of grabbing it from the minute I waken and loving every second of it until I go to bed at night. It’s just too easy to wander through this life of mine, forgetting that there is no guarantee of any tomorrow.

During these seven months I have drawn closer to friends and family who themselves have been fighting cancer. We have spoken a lot about what we are going through. We have cried and laughed together. We have spoken about our condition and lifted each other up in the days when things have got a bit tough. We know how we each feel and can understand the difficulties and fears which come with cancer. We all have great days and we all have days when the world seems to fall to bits. But we each have a special superglue that we can use to stick those bits back on.

This morning, exactly seven months after I first went to the doctor, my doorbell rang. When I opened the door, there was Steven, one of these special friends. Steven is a very private man, who told me just a few weeks ago that he had cancer and that he had been receiving treatment for it. We both cried buckets that day as we shared our stories. But today was different. Because today Steven didn’t come to tell me that he had cancer. Today, Steven came to tell me that he didn’t  have cancer. Today, Steven came to tell me that his treatment had been totally successful. He had been given the all-clear! I shouted with joy! It was such wonderful news. We both cried buckets again!

Steven is the third of these special friends of mine to be given the all-clear in the last few weeks. Garry has been told he is cancer free. Lesley has been told that she is cancer free. Lesley has declared today that I am next – and I am going to believe that!

Isn’t life wonderful! I have wandered through life for so long and I should have wondered through it!

I wonder what will happen next……