Look at the image above. What do you see? Probably a black spot. It’s a small spot, but you don’t really notice all the white around it. That small spot is in fact actually only 0.2% of the whole image. But it’s a big small spot, isn’t it? It’s also a powerful small spot – look at the picture again, and it will stay your focus of attention. Keep looking at it and it will draw you in and convince you to send me the login details for your bank account – only joking!
It might be the same in your house. The walls have been recently painted and look wonderful. It was a lot of hard work, but it was worth it – what a difference. And then you see it – one tiny wee mark. How did that get there? Who did it? It’s ruined everything! Even though no one else notices it, you see that wee mark every minute you are in that room until you fix it.
It’s the same with life. Everything is going well until something goes wrong. Just like the dot in the picture, you can only see the thing that’s gone wrong. It consumes you. It draws you in. All the happy memories of your life become distant memories – even if they only happened the day before.
If you have read my recent post Timing, you will know that I have been in just such a situation. Everything was wonderful and then WHAM! Everything changed, just because of a small lump. If you read that post and then the following two, you will see that I found ways of dealing with it. It worked.
Until yesterday. Yesterday I saw the black dot.
Yesterday my discomfort levels went up and my comfort level went down. I hadn’t had any letters with appointments for the scans or the next consultant. The black dot got bigger and bigger. Then I was down in the dumps. I was in a valley. It was getting darker and darker.
I knew I had to do something, but I didn’t know what I could do or how to do it. I had forgotten all that I had thought of and understood over the last few days. All my decisions were gone. All my confidence had gone. Where was God? Why hadn’t He fixed this? Why didn’t I have these appointments?
My daughter, Lisa, asked me if I had called the hospital. No. I didn’t know where to call, I had no faith that anything would be done. They are busy. It’s in the pipeline. I’ll do it tomorrow.
Then I read my Bible.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I shall not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
(Psalm 23:4)
Where is God when I need Him? He is close beside me.
He doesn’t leave me, but sometimes I leave Him.
I can be on top of a mountain in the brightest sunshine. He is there.
I can be in the darkest, deepest valley. He is there!
I phoned the hospital and got a Press 1 for this and Press 2 for that. I spoke to CT department and was told that the waiting time could be 6 weeks for an urgent referral and 72 weeks (!) for a routine. Yes, mine was marked urgent so I should hear some time soon. Bye, have a good day!
But God was still close to me.
I next called the MRI number. The referral was being processed, but no date. God was still close to me, and I felt that I had to tell the guy that I could go to any hospital at an hour’s notice if there is a cancellation. “Good,” he said. “I’ll note that on your file for the CT and the MRI.” He really sounded pleased.
That was late yesterday. This morning I got a call from Xray saying that there was a cancellation and asking if I could come for my CT scan tomorrow afternoon. OH YES I CAN!
Suddenly that dark valley was a lot brighter.
I know that there still might be dark valleys in front of me, but where will God be when I need Him?
Right beside me.